So, What Else Do We Have In Store?
2020 is an absolute garbage year. I have no idea why we cheered when the ball dropped on new Year’s Day. Every single month the year decides to one up itself and get even crazier. I remember being shocked by Kobe Bryant’s death in February. Since then, there’s been 1 global pandemic, 100 days of protests, and 47 fires in Oregon alone. The world is falling apart, and as I sit celebrating the return of the NFL, I wonder…
What will the rest of 2020 bring? Here are some extremely serious and scientific options for which disaster will strike next:
THE BIG EARTHQUAKE FINALLY HITS
We have one natural disaster going on, so why not two? The addition of the much-fabled “big one” destroys the state of Oregon far quicker than any politician ever could. Most bridges in Oregon are not made up to Earthquake standard, and the state infrastructure falls apart. On the bright side, people in rural areas are already evacuated because of the fires, so they are safe. The way 2020 goes, this will happen in early October.
YOSEMITE ERUPTS
The Yosemite Volcano decides to put us all out of our misery and blows up. This would cause a few more fires and overall mass panic, but at this point the public is already so desensitized to tragedy that most people are just be numb to it all. This one is probably one of the tamer options.
THEY MAKE ANOTHER STAR WARS TRILOGY
Could you imagine? The Star Wars fanboys will either be rejoicing or up in arms. Rian Johnson is brought in to fix his past mistakes, and no one is happy with what is released. Fans show up in droves even though they will hate the movie. Disney makes billions and walks away laughing, ready for the next Christmas Star Wars.
DONALD TRUMP WINS REELECTION
I’ll let your imagination work on this one.
TORNADO STROLLS THROUGH PORTLAND
There’s no way a tornado would go through Portland. However, in March I was pretty sure I was always going to hang out in groups of 50 people, so we’ll see. The Tornado, which was either created by Antifa or the Proud Boys (depending on who you ask) takes out everything but the Moda Center and Marquam Bridge and Portland finally decides to make I-5 three lanes in downtown.
JOE BIDEN WINS ELECTION
I’ll let your imagination work on this one.
LAKERS WIN NBA FINALS
This might actually be the worst option. Lakers fans become even more insufferable, LeBron James claims his status as the greatest of all time and no one wins. Los Angeles wins another championship and the rest of the NBA walks home from the bubble crying.
With these options on the table, it’s safe to say that the conclusion of 2020 will be a rousing success. I’m not sure which option I would choose, but I know that no matter what happens, I will always turn to Twitter to see what they have to say about it all.
